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GIVE YOUR CHILD SPACE TO GROW
When a child is born, you announce their arrival to the whole world. Your happiness is boundless. The child becomes centre of your attention. You spend sleepless nights, you stop socializing, forget your own life and sometimes even give up on your flourishing career. Your friend circle changes, your social life changes, your food habits change and your entire life starts revolving around the child. How your day goes depends on if the child is happy, sad, crying or sick. If the child doesn't eat, you cannot swallow a bite either. Even though you never got a training to be a parent, you give your 200% to the child. You suddenly remember all your childhood traumas and how your parents treated you and mentally you promise yourself to never let your child face same ordeal and make them suffer. You promise yourself to give them entire happiness in the world and the best life they deserve.
You day dream what all your child can do, their unlimited potential, their capabilities that you can only imagine right now. You can see your child becoming a famous surgeon, an engineer, pilot, IAS officer, CEO, actor, any other famous personality or may be taking up your own profession and becoming the next icon. And then you start working to make it happen.
Over the years as the child grows, you want them to behave, study, and live life as you deem fit. You feel they are young and immature. they have not seen the world yet. Who else can be more caring than you. You know what is best for them. Most of the times you are right. This big huge world is a scary place. Very few people can really be trusted. Leaving your vulnerable child to external influences may not be wise. Most of all you want them to succeed when they grow up. You want their future to be bright.
But in attempting to carve their future, you forget their present. You overrule their small desires like wanting to go out to play, staying up a little late, a sleep over at a friend's place, participating in a play. Even if they are good in sports, extra-curricular, or have artistic capabilities, you tell them to make them as hobby in extra time and focus on academics.
They are young. They do not have the power to go against your will. So they relent. If you pay attention, you will realize how much it hurts them. Usually children are not good in hiding, you can see the disappointment on their face or in their actions. Few may throw tantrum or show disobedience but in the end, they have no choice but to give in.
As parent you focus more on planning their future. Over time, there may be bigger decisions like choosing subjects, going out of town with friends, choosing college, deciding career, or person of choice to marry. Out of habit, you continue asserting your opinion and choices. After all you have given up on your life for them, and you have that right. Sometimes you do not even ask what they want. And then they grow up and become independent. They start ignoring you or your opinions, they start answering back, they get rude, they move out of house on pretext of education or job, they visit you lesser and lesser and you wonder what happened. You did your best, you spent your entire life caring for them and now they are taking you for granted. You are hurt that how can they misbehave with you. Do they even lack basic gratitude and respect for you. You struggle to find where you went wrong. You wonder if they are like that as a person and is it just that you did not notice.
Yes it is possible that you were the best parent. You gave them space and freedom. And still they turned out to be bad and thankless. But in many cases, the foundation sets when they are little, when you ignore their emotions, when you pressurize them to live your way, when you emphasize that they give up on their dreams for the sake of yours. The times are changing. Children are more clear about their desires and goals. More & more opportunities are coming up in education, career, investments and life. Children are more open minded and risk taking. You as parent may not always be aware of upcoming opportunities but in the world of internet, children are more aware. So allow them space to grow, and to be their own person. Be their support instead of obstruction. Stand by them. Be the first one to encourage if they fail and first one to cheer if they win. Be around to guide and not dictate. Children carve their own paths. They are capable. What matters is in their hearts they carry respect for you.